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Well, it finally happened! And I have you CIPCUG members to thank for it. But for the life of me I cannot remember which one of you should get the credit so I'm going to give it to all of you.
As I was sitting in my office waiting for the phone to ring, which it did! You were on the line asking me why the infernal machine just did what it did. Whoa, I said, let's start from the beginning. Well, we bought the computer from All-City. No not that far back Sheeesh! When did the problem first occur? Oh, when I was running a virus scan, defragging the hard drive, burning a CD and checking my email. RIGHT... What happened next? Oh, it gave me and error message and the mouse froze. Pause... Ok, what was the error message? Oh, I can't remember. Did you write it down? The pen in your hand, did that freeze too? Uh, no. Do you remember anything in the message? Uh, Yes. I remember that I didn't understand what it said. Right...Ok, maybe I should call back when it happens again. Good Idea...Ok, Bye for now.
That's when it hit me. An epiphany of intellectual clarity, the apple dropping on Isaac Newton's head, the idea light bulb going off in my head the ringing in my ears...COMPUTER PSYCHIC HOTLINE! Even as this article is going to print Toby SCOTT is building a website, an extra phone line is going in to the office and preparations are being made for our big rollout. Ads will appear in all the local papers as well a billboard on Oxnard Blvd. (Right next to Video Liquidators). 1-900-COM-PSIC Now everyone will be able call in and we will have all the answers to your questions. Regardless of how much (or little) information you give us because we will no longer depend on scientific analysis and personal experience to troubleshoot and solve the various problems the plague the computing public.
No, we will be using our crystal ball and Tarot cards to determine the cause of your affliction. Yes think of it! Where the spiritual and digital worlds join together to solve even the most perplexing issues all the while your phone will be billed $2.99 per minute charges. We will have someone available 24 hours a day to take you calls and personally delve into those mysterious areas of knowledge that only a registered computer psychic can take you. And yes, all our staff will have to pass rigid certification exams not unlike a Microsoft MSCE online exam. Except they will not have the opportunity to study the subject matter. To qualify to be a VCC Computer Psychic they will have to figure themselves out of the stickiest situations without the help of the internet or even a lowly technical manual. Yes Sir, when you call you will receive the best psychic analysis of your computer question that can be obtained anywhere. We are so confident in our abilities and feel so strongly in what we offer that we will absolutely guarantee that you will not be able to get better PC psychic help anywhere or your money back. How's about that for an ironclad offer? If you find another psychic that gives you a better answer to your question with the same information presented we will rebate 100% of the charges back to you. All you have to do is mail in one of our rebate certificates with proof of purchase (Just like at CompUSA, you've all done that one haven't you?).
I hope all of you are just as excited about this news as we are. Finally, a place just for you, where we'll be waiting for your call . Now I've got to go. I'm getting my satellite phone setup so I can answer your questions from wherever I happen to vacationing that week. Chow baby.
P.S. Toby will still be doing technical support the old fashioned was 9:00 to 5:00 M-F at (805) 289-3930 but you better have your T's crossed and your I's dotted before you call.
{Note: We actually registered and put up a website at www.computerpsychic.net No accounting for our stupidity.]
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